Crown International Pictures Week! Day 3 …
Today’s CIP pick is 1978’s Malibu Beach. At first I really didn’t like this movie because of the major lack of plot. Then I remembered it was a CIP cult drive-in movie from the 70’s and then chose to give the fluff another chance. Here goes…
Malibu Beach starts on the last bell of the last day of school and we are introduced to two numskulls, Bobby (James Daughton, aptly before Animal House fame) and Paul (Michael Luther). And oh so lucky for us, they are the two leading males.
With we are treated to their introduction, I couldn’t help but notice, the pom-pom girls’ uniforms are THE EXACT same ones used in the movie, Pom-Pom Girls. Huh. Anyways, we are introduced to the two leading females in this movie, Dina (Kim Lankford) and Sally (Susan Player). I’m pleased to see Susan Player again, but I’m not pleased to see her hideous haircut. It really looks like she questioned for the “Dorothy Hamill” and then chickened out half way through. I know this hair style will be an issue for me.
Credits roll as hot girls and hot boys are enjoying summer vacation frolicking on the beach. Guess who is also at the beach? Dugan! The return of Dugan (Steve Oliver) from The Van!
So, the tale goes, sweet Dina is the new lifeguard on Malibu Beach… and… innumerable things happen… on Malibu Beach, counting:
Being hit on by Dugan
A clever dog that rips off bikini tops
Sally and her hair screening up
A pre-teen terror ruining everyone’s fun
Bobby and some random simple girl (Tara Strohmeier) making out topless in broad daylight
All in a matter of a few minutes.
Bobby soon ditches random simple girl to play football with Paul when they accidentally throw the football at Dugan. Rut Roh. Dugan of course is his grave self, but the girl he’s trying to hit on ends up being the guys’ teacher, Miss Plickett (Flora Plumb, Eve’s sister).
So, Dugan somehow persuades Miss Plickett to come back to his place. Well, he tells her he talks to plants and tries to make out with her on a car seat acting as a sofa and she splits. I guess these were – gags?
Next, Bobby and Paul cruise the night away when they stumble upon Dina and Sally changing a flat. Sally flirts, Dina is uptight, yadda yadda yadda. There seems to be a reoccurring theme in these CIP movies of the “plot” revolving around two couples. In this one, the foursome quite don’t know which one of which they want to be with! First Sally is with Bobby, but Dina wants nothing to do with Paul. So Paul tells Bobby to “switch” because he’s getting nowhere with Dina. Are you follow this?
About 23 minutes into this, I wonder does ANYTHING happen other than a montage of teens on the beach day AND night? Yes! We get apathetic cops in which one goes and gets drunk even as the other gets stoned with the teens on the beach even as on patrol. No wonder everyone wants to come live in LA.
The foursome, still mis-matched, go off into their separate spots on the beach with Bobby and Sally making out (boob alert @ 29:00) and Paul and Dina being randomly hassled by Dugan. And oh boy, Paul called Dugan… A TURD. If we only learned anything from yesterday’s blog on The Van, it’s that you DO NOT call Dugan a turd!
Well, the stoned cop walks by just in time, getting Dugan off their backs and the foursome choose to go skinny falling (32:30 for the nakedness)! Woops, Dina’s clothes get washed away, but Bobby (sporting a CIP shirt!) comes to the rescue. Now Dina and Bobby become a pair. Yay, now they are matched.
A new day of lifegaurd duty… Do I really need to repeat the bullets from before?
Nothing, nothing… Oh wait, here’s something. Bobby and Dugan get into another scuffle and choose to race cars. But, Bobby’s is blocked, so he uses a cop car. They both crash and burn, so there was really no reason other to see cars crashing. Since the cops are drunk/stoned, there are no repercussions, just bewilderment.
At this point, I feel like I’m watching a smutty version of Groundhog’s Day as the same things keep happening with the same composition.
Oh wait, here’s something new to their lives. They break into an amusement park and ride the shock absorber cars until the inept security guard yells “Hey, who’s there?” and scatter before his stout ass gets there.
As the NEXT morning approaches… excellent grief, same song, same dog tricks; see bullets above. Oh, but something new to the mix. Random incorrect “Vanners” (the fourth consecutive CIP movie appearance by Bill Adler!) slash Paul’s tire, ensuing a prank in return of huge their van up with water even as Sally distracts them with her… hair?
Cool, a house have fun! I sure hope something happens! Dugan and Bobby fight, the cops break it up – Do I even care at this point?
Morning comes, and Dina’s parents go out of town so she sneaks in Bobby. As they are in the middle of sexing (bounty of boobage), the parents come back because they forgot something. Oh the hilarity. Heaven forbid that stops them! They just go aptly back to what they were doing.
The foursome meet back up at the beach to have some more carefree (factually) fun, until that creep Dugan shows up. What’s with this guy? He’s like that creepy 30+ year ancient that is always trying to hang out with 18 year olds. Yucky. Anyways, Dugan and Bobby have a swim race, even as Paul is pretending to be a shark. Dugan flips, but yet wins even as a REAL shark approaches even as Bobby is still out in the water. But he gets back in time. As for Dugan, Miss Plickett, looking hot, picks him up and the gang live luckily ever with.
It’s finally over! Call me crazy, but I like my smut movies to have a small bit more substance. There’s just nothing here!
Smut Factor 6/10. I was going to give it a 5, but I forgot about the clever dog snatching bikinis.
There is no soundtrack info around on this, but I managed to endure the title song just one more time to record it for ya. I guess it’s called “That Summertime” and I suppose it would be by Michael Lloyd, at smallest amount stridently. There is also another song I recognized that was recycled from the Pom-Pom Girls soundtrack, “I Go To Pieces” by Cotton, Lloyd & Christian.
On a confidential note, I was kind of bummed to see that Steve Oliver who played Dugan in The Van and Malibu Beach recently died from cancer. He was also married to Lana Wood (Natalie’s sister) for whopping 5 weeks. RIP Dugan and may you never be called a turd ever again!
Source: http://hitormisspopculture.blogspot.com/2010/03/crown-international-pictures-week-day-3.html